you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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