It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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