and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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