I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
