Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
