why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
