It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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