I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
