Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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