The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize