the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
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