Your dad touched me again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
