i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
