I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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