and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize