This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
