Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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