Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
