happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
