You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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