i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
