Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
