You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
