I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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