Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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