dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
