Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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