i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The uberlube is also flammable
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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