OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize