i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
