PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize