people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
love makes seman taste better
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
