dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
