You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You can't special order awesome
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
