I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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