miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize