you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
