i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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