just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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