It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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