He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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