If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
