Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
