The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
