New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
