Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
