Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
