talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
pop tarts are not kleenex
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
