I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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