new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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