Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
