so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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