these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
