My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And then my night got REAL pukey
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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