I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
