I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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