i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
