tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize