The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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