are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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