as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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