She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
