help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
