i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
