Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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