i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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